Straight from the Heart....

As some of you may have read...the path to where we are was very scary for me and my daughter.

We knew it was the right thing...the "how" was the part that kept us up at night.

And the "who" was agonizing.

I wanted someone like who I am now...to sit down and say "Hey...you can do this...see us? We were unsure. We took a leap...we trusted...and now...we would not have it any other way....the people that we have chosen have proven themselves in every way."

Yes...it still would have been hard...but it soooo would have been much better.

So...here I am...in the position that I am...wanting to help someone like me through this.

And the love that has grown for these people of course just wants their happiness to grow and grow.

Sooooo....... without further delay...let me introduce you to some very special people.

This is Ken and Kelly.

They are some of the most amazing people I have had the privilege to know.

I am so very blessed to have them in the my life...my daughters life...and my little grandbaby's.

Little Avery will be 1 soon...and these wonderful people will be looking to make their beautiful family grow.

I could never express really just what they have done for my girl...it is endless.They were always there for us.

Soo patient through all the emotions.Sooo understanding.

They are real..never pretend or falsify who they are. They are just themselves...they add laughter to my life...and I am so grateful my grandbaby will know laughter.

They have the greatest immediate family...my grandbaby has soooo many people who love her.

And let us not forget the best part another baby can enjoy...the most AWESOME big sister ever....lol.

They did not ask me to do this..they do not even know.

It comes straight from my heart.

I just wanted to tell others making a hard choice...these people have stood true.

Truth be known..they are so great I kinda do not want to share...lol :).

If anyone needs to talk...you can talk to me and my girl. We can be here for you.

I have also grown to know and trust some other great people looking to be blessed with a gift.

I will be happy watching this miracle happen for the ones I love....

Cause I'm a mom

My Celeste

Lil miss Avery

YEP!!!! I am bias...and that is a-ok cause this is MY blog....lol Even if little baby girl had a whole head full of curly hair and brown eyes I would still see my daughter in her... Oh well... I am allowed some self indulgence once in a while :)

You never know....

Something that I always have said and firmly believe is that "Guardian Angels are not always unseen" In my lifetime there have been many. Of course it is known that one of them is the Adoptive mom to my daughter...amazing beautiful lady that has and I know will always walk to the ends of the earth for my daughter...but this weekend...I met another.We went out of state to be there for my grandbaby's blessing and sealing in our church. On the last day..we were at the church. The blessing was given by the adoptive dad...wow..just brought tears to my eyes it was so beautiful. I really appreiciated that he referred to my daughter in the blessing and used the words "the woman who gave you life"...what a great spiritual man. Well...this blessing got both me and my daughter going...tears just flowing down our faces...but also the fact that it was almost time for my daughter to go back home...and leave the baby again. She excused herself from the chapel..and went to pull herself together. This happened 2 times. The second time we were standing out in the hall and I told her that she should just hang there for a bit..just to make sure that she was ok. I was embracing my girl..when this ray of sunshine walked up to us. I do not know her name..or anything about her..Just that she was what we needed right when we needed it. She looked at my girl and asked her if she was the birthmom to the baby that had just been blessed.How she knew...I do not know. Her eyes filled with tears as she explained that she adopted a little boy...thanked my daughter for what she had done...and said how grateful she was for birthmoms. I really do not know why these simple heartfelt words had such an effect on me...but I can say without a doubt that that moment will never be forgotten. How wonderful that a life can be changed just by being yourself!!She had no idea that when she woke up that morning...that she could make someones day easier.That she could have such an impact on someone. How amazing is it when someone can act on the spirit of God...as she was led to a person that really needed what was in her heart.To walk right up to someone you do not even know and just pour out your soul. What a grand world this would be if everyone could follow like that. This is the kind of person I want to be. To talk to a person and have them turn back and think.."what an amazing person" To lighten someone's soul just by being around.To really be "an instrument in the hands of God". You never know....today may be the day you can change a life forever...will you be ready and listening when it is time?? I am sure glad our "angel" was. In the words of one of my favorite songs... "there's no telling how much the sunrise means..to the one who had a terrible night.....and no one can tell, though at times they might try what it means to have been touched by someone......so there's no way of telling you just how much a heart in the right place has done, I wish I could tell you now just how much...your heart in the right place has done" Thank you....I will never forget....

A promise kept

I have felt just about every feeling there is to feel in this past year. It has been such a whirlwind. When my girl told me she wanted to do adoption..I just was not sure. I knew what a precious event was about to take place.And I was really scared. Not only could I lose forever a new little being that I could love...but my daughter..the one who gave my life meaning..could as well. There is nothing legal that says after those papers are signed that we have to be included in her life. Whoever took her could just walk away and never look back. As a mother...watching all that my girl went through..emotionally and physically...I wanted my girls sacrifice appreciated. I wanted so bad to look in her eyes and give her the answer she so desperately wanted...that she could see her..know her..But..I could not.This is an act of faith. To the arms that you place that baby you just have to hope and pray that you are remembered. There was a promise made to us. A beautiful promise..that I..and especially my daughter..would always be in her life. Family..they said...always be family. I am amazed at these people...the things they do on an everyday basis for my girl. Heaven sent angels. They let my daughter come visit...stay in their home...treat her like she is absolute gold.I am thankful from the bottom of my heart that my beauty will not be forgotten. That this little one will grow knowing us and how much we love her. Yeah..there are sad endings out there...but this will not be one....

My brain on school

SOOOOO...have I forgotten my blog??? It may seem so...I actually have thoughts I want to get down everyday and MANY MANY questions people have asked. However...the life of a single mom of 5 who has immersed herself in college somehow makes it not really possible. Many nights I have sat and fell asleep in front of my computer.But...I love school and will be grateful for what it will bring in the end.How is my girl?? WONDERFUL...she also is getting very school focused. The best grades I have ever seen out of that girl. In english..does she have 100 percent?? Nooooo...she has done so much extra credit she actually has 7000 percent. Yes...that has 3 zeros!!! She has joined as many clubs in school as she can.She is in an AMAZING choir. She is also very future focused...She would like to be a case worker and help with adoptions.I am very proud of her for that, so she is looking into colleges.As soon as I get a job I want to get a really good professional grade camera and provide a photo shoot of their babies at the hospital and a picture free of charge to girls like my daughter. And it seems a romance has sparked(not baby daddy)...a nice healthy one...The "boy next door" who hand made brownies when she was pregnant and RODE HIS BIKE a very long way just to come see her in the hospital..he treats her very well..and I am so happy with all the support he gives her....he is a good guy.My little grand baby is ADORABLE...and it is the highlight of my day to see what she is doing and how she is. Her mommy and daddy are simply the best and I love them with all my heart.When I look at how things were this time last year... I am grateful to my core that I did not turn my back on my girl. We have tied a bond that is so strong and amazing.Can I say that I wish this would not have happened?? Absolutely not.I could not look at my beautiful grandbaby and say that I wish she was not alive..I could not look at my daughter and say that I do not like the person she has become...I could not look at the couple who rocks her to sleep at night and say that I wish their dream had not come true. No...this all was very much meant to be... and I am blessed for it. We found the hidden treasure...and it is priceless...and we did not know what it was at first.My life....is good!!!!

Life Happens

Things have gotten pretty quiet here lately. My daughter and her broken heart seems to get stronger every day. There are times that it just gets to her again...but she handles it just beautifully. I have jumped fully into my college and the rest of my children. We are getting ready for back to school and all that jazz. I have been getting ALOT of questions...and alot are the same questions...so I am sorting through them and will post them on here. Some of them are a little painful still...but if I can help someone else then it will be worth it....But yes...I am still here and wanting to share!!!!

The tale of Aviendha Moraine part 1

Could it be that around this time a month ago so many lives were about to blessed by something so very special? We were about to meet such a precious little person? Well...here little one...is the story of your very first birthday!!!Celeste likes to walk...I do not know what it is really...I guess with legs that long they just have to move sometimes. This need to walk happens sometimes when it really is not an ideal time to go walking outside...so when Celeste started walking all over the house at 2am...I really did not find it all that unusual. She kept telling my that she was having some pains...well...that pretty much what pregnancy is...so..that did not phase me either. When she told me that there were some pains that were coming every 5 min.. well..that made me wonder. I made her sit next to me on the loveseat and put my hand on her tummy and just let it sit there. I tried to be sneaky and ever so sly looked at the clock in the kitchen. Sure enough..every 5 min she was telling me that she was having contractions. Having so many babies myself..I know that timing is everything..so I did not want to get her there too early. But after 2 hours of steady pains...we got everything ready and headed off. After being there so many times and being sent home..I kinda half expected that we would not be there long. However..after the nurse saw her I asked if they were keeping her..she replied with a very firm "absolutely". Celeste and I stared at each other in disbelief..THIS WAS IT!!! As I turned my head from my beautiful daughter to look out the big window at the sunrise..and then down at all the traffic going by..I found it interesting that everyone was hurrying around with their busy life...when right under their noses an amazing miracle was about to happen.As the nurses and doctors came in and out working on my girl... I felt such an intense love for her...I will never be able to describe it. I am and always will be sooo proud to be her mom. Ironically....she was thinking the same thing about the beautiful baby she was about to bring into the world. I was thinking we had some time and I had been awake all night so I thought I could catch some zzzzzzs, Well...that was not gonna work cause soon she was feeling the pressure of the urge to push. So they checked her and sure enough..she was ready. The nurse was telling her that with the first baby the pushing part could last 2-3 hours...they had her start pushing with the contractions with just the nurse there, and well within 30 min. of my highly determined Celeste pushing...the nurse started looking nervous and said that we would start skipping contractions until the Doctor came in. They turned on the big light..started the baby warmer, and got out the surgical tray. I looked at the baby warmer through the tears in my eyes..soon there was going to be a baby there!!!!The doctor made it and not to long after I heard one of the most precious thing ever...a baby cry. They laid baby on a blanket on my daughters tummy...and I saw her beautiful little face..Yep...I totally fell in love with my grand baby. Being there when a whole other person begins their life is the most spiritual experiences you can imagine. It was AMAZING!!! After I cut her cord they took her over to be weighed and given her very first vital signs. I hurried over to get some pictures so I could get them to the wonderful people Avery would call mom and dad (as they were frantically driving through Wyoming to get there) After all the poking and freezing...they wrapped her up and handed that precious little bundle to Celeste. All warm...all safe...the love in Celeste's eyes as she held that little angel was immense. This was
one of the best days of my life...and I know it was the same for my daughter.