A promise kept

I have felt just about every feeling there is to feel in this past year. It has been such a whirlwind. When my girl told me she wanted to do adoption..I just was not sure. I knew what a precious event was about to take place.And I was really scared. Not only could I lose forever a new little being that I could love...but my daughter..the one who gave my life meaning..could as well. There is nothing legal that says after those papers are signed that we have to be included in her life. Whoever took her could just walk away and never look back. As a mother...watching all that my girl went through..emotionally and physically...I wanted my girls sacrifice appreciated. I wanted so bad to look in her eyes and give her the answer she so desperately wanted...that she could see her..know her..But..I could not.This is an act of faith. To the arms that you place that baby you just have to hope and pray that you are remembered. There was a promise made to us. A beautiful promise..that I..and especially my daughter..would always be in her life. Family..they said...always be family. I am amazed at these people...the things they do on an everyday basis for my girl. Heaven sent angels. They let my daughter come visit...stay in their home...treat her like she is absolute gold.I am thankful from the bottom of my heart that my beauty will not be forgotten. That this little one will grow knowing us and how much we love her. Yeah..there are sad endings out there...but this will not be one....

My brain on school

SOOOOO...have I forgotten my blog??? It may seem so...I actually have thoughts I want to get down everyday and MANY MANY questions people have asked. However...the life of a single mom of 5 who has immersed herself in college somehow makes it not really possible. Many nights I have sat and fell asleep in front of my computer.But...I love school and will be grateful for what it will bring in the end.How is my girl?? WONDERFUL...she also is getting very school focused. The best grades I have ever seen out of that girl. In english..does she have 100 percent?? Nooooo...she has done so much extra credit she actually has 7000 percent. Yes...that has 3 zeros!!! She has joined as many clubs in school as she can.She is in an AMAZING choir. She is also very future focused...She would like to be a case worker and help with adoptions.I am very proud of her for that, so she is looking into colleges.As soon as I get a job I want to get a really good professional grade camera and provide a photo shoot of their babies at the hospital and a picture free of charge to girls like my daughter. And it seems a romance has sparked(not baby daddy)...a nice healthy one...The "boy next door" who hand made brownies when she was pregnant and RODE HIS BIKE a very long way just to come see her in the hospital..he treats her very well..and I am so happy with all the support he gives her....he is a good guy.My little grand baby is ADORABLE...and it is the highlight of my day to see what she is doing and how she is. Her mommy and daddy are simply the best and I love them with all my heart.When I look at how things were this time last year... I am grateful to my core that I did not turn my back on my girl. We have tied a bond that is so strong and amazing.Can I say that I wish this would not have happened?? Absolutely not.I could not look at my beautiful grandbaby and say that I wish she was not alive..I could not look at my daughter and say that I do not like the person she has become...I could not look at the couple who rocks her to sleep at night and say that I wish their dream had not come true. No...this all was very much meant to be... and I am blessed for it. We found the hidden treasure...and it is priceless...and we did not know what it was at first.My life....is good!!!!

Life Happens

Things have gotten pretty quiet here lately. My daughter and her broken heart seems to get stronger every day. There are times that it just gets to her again...but she handles it just beautifully. I have jumped fully into my college and the rest of my children. We are getting ready for back to school and all that jazz. I have been getting ALOT of questions...and alot are the same questions...so I am sorting through them and will post them on here. Some of them are a little painful still...but if I can help someone else then it will be worth it....But yes...I am still here and wanting to share!!!!

The tale of Aviendha Moraine part 1

Could it be that around this time a month ago so many lives were about to blessed by something so very special? We were about to meet such a precious little person? Well...here little one...is the story of your very first birthday!!!Celeste likes to walk...I do not know what it is really...I guess with legs that long they just have to move sometimes. This need to walk happens sometimes when it really is not an ideal time to go walking outside...so when Celeste started walking all over the house at 2am...I really did not find it all that unusual. She kept telling my that she was having some pains...well...that pretty much what pregnancy is...so..that did not phase me either. When she told me that there were some pains that were coming every 5 min.. well..that made me wonder. I made her sit next to me on the loveseat and put my hand on her tummy and just let it sit there. I tried to be sneaky and ever so sly looked at the clock in the kitchen. Sure enough..every 5 min she was telling me that she was having contractions. Having so many babies myself..I know that timing is everything..so I did not want to get her there too early. But after 2 hours of steady pains...we got everything ready and headed off. After being there so many times and being sent home..I kinda half expected that we would not be there long. However..after the nurse saw her I asked if they were keeping her..she replied with a very firm "absolutely". Celeste and I stared at each other in disbelief..THIS WAS IT!!! As I turned my head from my beautiful daughter to look out the big window at the sunrise..and then down at all the traffic going by..I found it interesting that everyone was hurrying around with their busy life...when right under their noses an amazing miracle was about to happen.As the nurses and doctors came in and out working on my girl... I felt such an intense love for her...I will never be able to describe it. I am and always will be sooo proud to be her mom. Ironically....she was thinking the same thing about the beautiful baby she was about to bring into the world. I was thinking we had some time and I had been awake all night so I thought I could catch some zzzzzzs, Well...that was not gonna work cause soon she was feeling the pressure of the urge to push. So they checked her and sure enough..she was ready. The nurse was telling her that with the first baby the pushing part could last 2-3 hours...they had her start pushing with the contractions with just the nurse there, and well within 30 min. of my highly determined Celeste pushing...the nurse started looking nervous and said that we would start skipping contractions until the Doctor came in. They turned on the big light..started the baby warmer, and got out the surgical tray. I looked at the baby warmer through the tears in my eyes..soon there was going to be a baby there!!!!The doctor made it and not to long after I heard one of the most precious thing ever...a baby cry. They laid baby on a blanket on my daughters tummy...and I saw her beautiful little face..Yep...I totally fell in love with my grand baby. Being there when a whole other person begins their life is the most spiritual experiences you can imagine. It was AMAZING!!! After I cut her cord they took her over to be weighed and given her very first vital signs. I hurried over to get some pictures so I could get them to the wonderful people Avery would call mom and dad (as they were frantically driving through Wyoming to get there) After all the poking and freezing...they wrapped her up and handed that precious little bundle to Celeste. All warm...all safe...the love in Celeste's eyes as she held that little angel was immense. This was
one of the best days of my life...and I know it was the same for my daughter.

Hangin' with g-maw and mommy c

I do plan on telling the story of Avery's birth, and the first few days of her life...but like all great works ...sometimes there are flashbacks..lol. So I am going to start here.The last night in the hospital was so very hard. Without even trying my brain was thinking up every excuse (whether it was right or wrong) to bring this baby home with us. After a major panic and meltdown session...and Celeste's caseworker paying a late night visit,things did chill. I remember being hunched over with my head in my hands bawling...and all of the sudden my head clearing and a story of one of our church's prophets zoomed in. He had written to his dad about being unhappy of his mission...and his dad wrote back.."forget yourself...and go to work" As hard as I tried...this kept echoing. I was only thinking of how I felt, and my desire for my daughter to keep her "heart". Not what God wanted..or what was best for baby. As I made the decision to pull my self together..I felt stronger.I soon became very determined that we should celebrate the life of this little angel, and not let our last night with her be clouded with gloom. So I marched in my daughter's room and announced that we were gonna par-tay. So...we grabbed baby...and went down to a lobby area where is was just windows, and three loving generations went star gazing. We got kinda silly and took pictures in the dark. A really sweet nurse kept stopping to talk to us and was so touched that we were "making a memory" Indeed...it was a very good memory for me. I thought about calling adoptomom and having her join our girl party..but it was way late. Well Ms Aviendha...once upon a time you partied with us...and we ROCKED that hospital. Maybe someday we can do it again...but this time...with chocolate fondue!!!!

snugglin with her girl

this is what happens when you are giggling to hard holding a camera

yep..we were a little nuts..and ALOT tired

Forever in my heart...forever a precious memory

Some things are just meant to be

Pardon me while I take a moment to lighten things up a bit. Before baby was born...our adopto parents came to visit us. We went down town and hung out and I had so much fun.One thing that I was so impressed with was their sense of humor (the one I hope they exercise when they see this post :) and how fun they were(this was one of the first pics we took of adoptomom on that night). Alot of people ask how I knew that they were the right people...I say...I just knew.... and now I have the evidence. Like mother...like daughter...Avery confirmed it for us.

The Chain Of Love

Our Adoption Angel
I firmly beleive that when you go through something very difficult, God sends you and angel. They may be off in the distance...watching over you. But once in awhile..maybe..just maybe, you just may be fortunate enough to see and talk to them.Well...this is our angel. My girl simply could not have done all this without her. Before we were even sure we were going to do adoption...I was trying to find a song on you tube. When I found it, it was a video of a girl that had placed her own child. The video was so amazing and sweet I would bawl everytime I saw it. I showed it to Celeste and she did the same. She left a comment on it...and from that a very special friendship formed. This angel took my girl under her wing. She took her out for dinner a few times, and was there pretty much every step of the way. She works at the place my girl had her stay when Avery was born.. and on the placement day she was my daughters caregiver. She did more than her job that day that is for sure. She was just a doll and I am so glad she was there. This is the miracle of the adoption world...so many people supporting each other and bringing each other up. I am praying that someday I can do this for someone else. I would love to do free photo shoots and pictures for another girl like my daughter. Pictures are so precious.I shudder at the thought of a girl going through this with no one there. Maybe someday I can be a "mom" to someone that is all alone. I could help her take care of her baby in the hospital room so baby can stay in her room and she could spend every last moment. I know someday... I will be called upon to be a strength for a person who needs it. I am praying for it and I will embrace it.I thank Heavenly Father for our angel....we love you.