One thorn in the bed of roses...

Alright...I have been avoiding this one for a long time. But as I get asked over and over...and it can be helpful to someone else...it is time.There are 2 questions...Are you happy with how things turned out...and of course..that is a big giant YES...the other question..Is there anything you would change...well..that one gets me a little.I am not the type to dwell on the past...and I always try to be positive...but I am also a very honest person...so I really kick that around. And the answer I come up with is...mostly no....but I wish I would at least have known. We could have avoided at least a little bit of heart ache had be been prepared.What I speak of is how quickly it changed. And it was not anybody's fault, and I know that not everyone will have an experience like this.I just do not think any one knew.We spent 9 months agonizing over what is best for this little baby. Nine months of falling in love with the sound of that heartbeat. All that time cherishing someone you cannot hold yet. A few days of keeping them alive..holding them close..being in complete awe of them...and with the turn of a pen...it is gone. The nurses in the hospital went from ohhhhs and ahhhs with us...and then..."we are really going to need this room..so please hurry out".  Instantly...we could not take her to nursery...we could not even change her diaper. I will never forget the look on my girls face as all of this started to happen.How lonely...how scary...she just looked at me with empty arms and simply said.."Mommy.." We were trembling with emotion.It is so hard to even write about it. I could feel the whole array of feelings at one time...I was sad..terrified..angry..and so happy for our baby and her parents.So not sure if I really would change something..but I guess if I did it would be to sign the papers after discharge,(but this will be different for everybody...I am not making this my recommendation) then we could have had the parent teaching...saw her go in her carseat..and when we left just go out separate ways.And if I get a job at a hospital I know I will be able to ease things if anyone ever goes through this. So..if you are in the birth parents family...prepare for this...if you are wanting to adopt..be sensitive...if we would have known how this would be I know our parents would have helped us...but we all just did not know.May you go and use this to make it better in your situation...