Saturday, February 12, 2011

It's time!!!!

I think one of the most important things that helped us through this whole process was the great communication between both Adopt mom and birth mom. One of the most crucial parts was the texting by the cell phone.I loved that adopto mom would out of the blue just send my girl some random message.It would just make us laugh and just love her that much more.And then when my girl needed some serious talking..she was right there.In the beginning when she was just getting to know her..first of all this is how girls her age mostly communicate these this little device really put her at ease because it was familiar. It also takes some of the "just met" awkwardness away because your not face to face or voice to voice.Since most of the time she would get a response in good also reassured her that the baby, and information about her would be that close..and she would be answered.And in those very fragile first weeks after the baby went home..I wonder how my girl would have made it without that power. Adopto mom would send her a daily picture..and this was the highlight of our days right after.I have recently become a single mom and keeping up the phone service for my girl got kinda she has not had one in awhile.Adoptomom many times has stated how she missed them being able to talk to each other...and in a way...I am so glad that she likes my girl to have that I am getting in a better position and settling down...within the next few weeks I am getting my girl a new phone. I already picked it out...I am so happy that adopto mom considers my girl her friend. and I am grateful that I can open up that line of communication again for them both!!!!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

One thorn in the bed of roses...

Alright...I have been avoiding this one for a long time. But as I get asked over and over...and it can be helpful to someone is time.There are 2 questions...Are you happy with how things turned out...and of course..that is a big giant YES...the other question..Is there anything you would change...well..that one gets me a little.I am not the type to dwell on the past...and I always try to be positive...but I am also a very honest I really kick that around. And the answer I come up with is...mostly no....but I wish I would at least have known. We could have avoided at least a little bit of heart ache had be been prepared.What I speak of is how quickly it changed. And it was not anybody's fault, and I know that not everyone will have an experience like this.I just do not think any one knew.We spent 9 months agonizing over what is best for this little baby. Nine months of falling in love with the sound of that heartbeat. All that time cherishing someone you cannot hold yet. A few days of keeping them alive..holding them close..being in complete awe of them...and with the turn of a is gone. The nurses in the hospital went from ohhhhs and ahhhs with us...and then..."we are really going to need this please hurry out".  Instantly...we could not take her to nursery...we could not even change her diaper. I will never forget the look on my girls face as all of this started to happen.How scary...she just looked at me with empty arms and simply said.."Mommy.." We were trembling with emotion.It is so hard to even write about it. I could feel the whole array of feelings at one time...I was sad..terrified..angry..and so happy for our baby and her parents.So not sure if I really would change something..but I guess if I did it would be to sign the papers after discharge,(but this will be different for everybody...I am not making this my recommendation) then we could have had the parent teaching...saw her go in her carseat..and when we left just go out separate ways.And if I get a job at a hospital I know I will be able to ease things if anyone ever goes through this. So..if you are in the birth parents family...prepare for this...if you are wanting to sensitive...if we would have known how this would be I know our parents would have helped us...but we all just did not know.May you go and use this to make it better in your situation... 

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Straight from the Heart....

As some of you may have read...the path to where we are was very scary for me and my daughter.
We knew it was the right thing...the "how" was the part that kept us up at night.
And the "who" was agonizing.
I wanted someone like who I am sit down and say " can do this...see us? We were unsure. We took a leap...we trusted...and now...we would not have it any other way....the people that we have chosen have proven themselves in every way." still would have been hard...but it soooo would have been much better. I the position that I am...wanting to help someone like me through this.
And the love that has grown for these people of course just wants their happiness to grow and grow.
Sooooo....... without further delay...let me introduce you to some very special people.
This is Ken and Kelly.
They are some of the most amazing people I have had the privilege to know.
I am so very blessed to have them in the my daughters life...and my little grandbaby's.
Little Avery will be 1 soon...and these wonderful people will be looking to make their beautiful family grow.
I could never express really just what they have done for my is endless.They were always there for us.
Soo patient through all the emotions.Sooo understanding.
They are real..never pretend or falsify who they are. They are just themselves...they add laughter to my life...and I am so grateful my grandbaby will know laughter.
They have the greatest immediate grandbaby has soooo many people who love her.
And let us not forget the best part another baby can enjoy...the most AWESOME big sister
They did not ask me to do this..they do not even know.
It comes straight from my heart.
I just wanted to tell others making a hard choice...these people have stood true.
Truth be known..they are so great I kinda do not want to :).
If anyone needs to can talk to me and my girl. We can be here for you.
I have also grown to know and trust some other great people looking to be blessed with a gift.
I will be happy watching this miracle happen for the ones I love....

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Cause I'm a mom

My Celeste
Lil miss Avery
YEP!!!! I am bias...and that is a-ok cause this is MY Even if little baby girl had a whole head full of curly hair and brown eyes I would still see my daughter in her... Oh well... I am allowed some self indulgence once in a while :)

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

You never know....

Something that I always have said and firmly believe is that "Guardian Angels are not always unseen" In my lifetime there have been many. Of course it is known that one of them is the Adoptive mom to my daughter...amazing beautiful lady that has and I know will always walk to the ends of the earth for my daughter...but this weekend...I met another.We went out of state to be there for my grandbaby's blessing and sealing in our church. On the last day..we were at the church. The blessing was given by the adoptive brought tears to my eyes it was so beautiful. I really appreiciated that he referred to my daughter in the blessing and used the words "the woman who gave you life"...what a great spiritual man. Well...this blessing got both me and my daughter going...tears just flowing down our faces...but also the fact that it was almost time for my daughter to go back home...and leave the baby again. She excused herself from the chapel..and went to pull herself together. This happened 2 times. The second time we were standing out in the hall and I told her that she should just hang there for a bit..just to make sure that she was ok. I was embracing my girl..when this ray of sunshine walked up to us. I do not know her name..or anything about her..Just that she was what we needed right when we needed it. She looked at my girl and asked her if she was the birthmom to the baby that had just been blessed.How she knew...I do not know. Her eyes filled with tears as she explained that she adopted a little boy...thanked my daughter for what she had done...and said how grateful she was for birthmoms. I really do not know why these simple heartfelt words had such an effect on me...but I can say without a doubt that that moment will never be forgotten. How wonderful that a life can be changed just by being yourself!!She had no idea that when she woke up that morning...that she could make someones day easier.That she could have such an impact on someone. How amazing is it when someone can act on the spirit of she was led to a person that really needed what was in her heart.To walk right up to someone you do not even know and just pour out your soul. What a grand world this would be if everyone could follow like that. This is the kind of person I want to be. To talk to a person and have them turn back and think.."what an amazing person" To lighten someone's soul just by being around.To really be "an instrument in the hands of God". You never may be the day you can change a life forever...will you be ready and listening when it is time?? I am sure glad our "angel" was. In the words of one of my favorite songs... "there's no telling how much the sunrise the one who had a terrible night.....and no one can tell, though at times they might try what it means to have been touched by there's no way of telling you just how much a heart in the right place has done, I wish I could tell you now just how much...your heart in the right place has done" Thank you....I will never forget....

Thursday, December 23, 2010

A promise kept

I have felt just about every feeling there is to feel in this past year. It has been such a whirlwind. When my girl told me she wanted to do adoption..I just was not sure. I knew what a precious event was about to take place.And I was really scared. Not only could I lose forever a new little being that I could love...but my daughter..the one who gave my life meaning..could as well. There is nothing legal that says after those papers are signed that we have to be included in her life. Whoever took her could just walk away and never look back. As a mother...watching all that my girl went through..emotionally and physically...I wanted my girls sacrifice appreciated. I wanted so bad to look in her eyes and give her the answer she so desperately wanted...that she could see her..know her..But..I could not.This is an act of faith. To the arms that you place that baby you just have to hope and pray that you are remembered. There was a promise made to us. A beautiful promise..that I..and especially my daughter..would always be in her life. Family..they said...always be family. I am amazed at these people...the things they do on an everyday basis for my girl. Heaven sent angels. They let my daughter come visit...stay in their home...treat her like she is absolute gold.I am thankful from the bottom of my heart that my beauty will not be forgotten. That this little one will grow knowing us and how much we love her. Yeah..there are sad endings out there...but this will not be one....

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

My brain on school

SOOOOO...have I forgotten my blog??? It may seem so...I actually have thoughts I want to get down everyday and MANY MANY questions people have asked. However...the life of a single mom of 5 who has immersed herself in college somehow makes it not really possible. Many nights I have sat and fell asleep in front of my computer.But...I love school and will be grateful for what it will bring in the end.How is my girl?? WONDERFUL...she also is getting very school focused. The best grades I have ever seen out of that girl. In english..does she have 100 percent?? Nooooo...she has done so much extra credit she actually has 7000 percent. Yes...that has 3 zeros!!! She has joined as many clubs in school as she can.She is in an AMAZING choir. She is also very future focused...She would like to be a case worker and help with adoptions.I am very proud of her for that, so she is looking into colleges.As soon as I get a job I want to get a really good professional grade camera and provide a photo shoot of their babies at the hospital and a picture free of charge to girls like my daughter. And it seems a romance has sparked(not baby daddy)...a nice healthy one...The "boy next door" who hand made brownies when she was pregnant and RODE HIS BIKE a very long way just to come see her in the hospital..he treats her very well..and I am so happy with all the support he gives her....he is a good guy.My little grand baby is ADORABLE...and it is the highlight of my day to see what she is doing and how she is. Her mommy and daddy are simply the best and I love them with all my heart.When I look at how things were this time last year... I am grateful to my core that I did not turn my back on my girl. We have tied a bond that is so strong and amazing.Can I say that I wish this would not have happened?? Absolutely not.I could not look at my beautiful grandbaby and say that I wish she was not alive..I could not look at my daughter and say that I do not like the person she has become...I could not look at the couple who rocks her to sleep at night and say that I wish their dream had not come true. No...this all was very much meant to be... and I am blessed for it. We found the hidden treasure...and it is priceless...and we did not know what it was at first.My good!!!!

Songs that remind me of my girl

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