REALITY CHECK!!!!

WOW!!! The blessed event is coming up so quickly!!!Funny how sometimes it seems like it will be FOREVER...but then it sneaks up on you!!(Of course..as my girl becomes slower and slower..bigger and bigger..more uncomfortable by the second..I am sure she still feels it will be forever..lol)I love this little girl so very much. Cannot wait to see her!!!Of course...there was something that pulled on my heartstrings...I took my daughter to see her caseworker tonight.As I drove home..I looked down and saw her holding some of the paperwork she has to get done.Like she said...we are at peace with this decision...but it will not be easy.As I visualized how that day will be...all I could see were two sets of hands..reaching out.A calm voice whispered only this....these are good hands...she will be in good hands.Scary and comforting at the same time.I admire my daughters strength so much.She is amazing!!!And to all the ladies out there who have already done this...you too are amazing!!

Finding "the ones"

A fragile helpless little life in your hands.Counting on you to do it right.You know what is best and what needs to happen to really show the baby love. But HOW???It seems so simple just to log on....find someone awesome...and then let it happen.But the thoughts that went through our heads were crazy.How are we REALLY going to know??Are they genuine? They say that they are going to let you in the baby's life now....but will they really include you once that paper is signed?...there will be nothing legally binding..

Are they really being themselves..or just what they think you want them to be?How do they really feel about teen pregnancy???Sure they are getting a baby out of it...but are they deep down inside judging my daughter?Are they judging me?If there is an infertility problem...will they resent the baby they get because they could not bear them themselves?How can we really know that baby will be carefully taken care of?Sure..they may build a great relationship with my daughter...but what if something happens to her??Will they still let me be involved?Who ARE these people really??

The adoption world is a tough business.My eyes have been really opened.I have read some of the suggestions on how to make your profile look good(adoptive parents)...how to talk to "could be" birth moms...people having to present themselves and hoping so bad that a girl will like them.I just cannot imagine.It really plays on my mind.You have no more than 8 months to make complete strangers become family.The trust that needs to be built here on both sides of the coin is HUGE!!!You are basically finding someone who you will raise a child with.This is such a delicate thing..and such a short time to do it.

I am so greatful for our "ones".They have taken all of this craziness away.They have given comfort to a very scary thing. The most impressive thing is that they were themselves.They said either way...if we decided on them or not...they would be here for us.Eventhough this was thier dream...they would look past that to be a support.And there was no pressure...just new friends enjoying each others company.Amazing.

How do you know if they are "the ones?"......there is not on ounce of doubt.

I love the blessings in my life!!!

Life will go on...but you have to let it

Once in a sunlit garden,
Where the most magnificent of flowers grow,
I walked with God and held his hand,
and he said "my dear child this you must know

Life is a book, in wich you write,
your most troubling and treasured of memories,
and as the author of this book,
you must make sure the reader sees.

That each new chapter in this book,
you faced and did your best,
that you kept up your undieing faith,
then it was EASY to pass the test."

After he spoke this to me,
he gave me a hug and a kiss,
and as he went back up to heaven,
he whispered "make your earthly life a wonderful bliss."

So with this special visit in mind,
I went by a tree and did sit,
and started to write my book of life,
the whole day through I did not quit.

I wrote of all my happy times,
of all my trials too,
what it was I learned from those trials,
and how I started anew.

just as the sun was setting,
I put my masterpiece away,
I was so very proud,
of the work I had done all day.

So as the moon arose that night,
just as I was about to retire,
I heard the Lord come to my door,
my book, I was sure he came to admire.

He took my book up off the shelf,
and read the whole thing through,
then said "well done my child,
but you left out the most important page for you"

I just could not understand,
as I read it and found out,
there was one unwritten page,
so about myself, I really began to doubt.

He put his loving arms around me,
and then he did explain,
"that unwritten page is the future,
so you shouldn't feel any pain."

"The past is over now,"
he said with love in his voice,
"the future is yours to make you own,
so THAT should be your choice"

So now as each new dawn appears,
as the dew creeps on the flowers,
I take that one unwritten page,
and fill it by the hours.

Though the past was very difficult,
the NEXT page is what I see,
full of love,laughter and happiness,
the things that last eternally.

Molly 5/16/1987

Overwhelmed

As I was looking over the website http://www.adoptionvoices.com/ ...and saw the faces of so many amazing people that are on there..I was really saddened and overwhelmed. Profiles after profiles of people searching to be blessed..just wanting that one thing to make thier life complete.It hurts to hear of the ones who get scammed.I always just want to reach out to people and help them.If I could I honestly would find a baby for each one.Hoping that saying a prayer for the people I have already met, and the ones truelly deserving would satisfy my craving for them.I want to do MORE!!!I am one who always tries to do it all.But then my thoughts turned to the ones who will hold my granddaughter in their arms..I know they will love her. I remembered one of my most favorite stories.

One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean.
Approaching the boy, he asked, “What are you doing?”
The youth replied, “Throwing starfish back into the ocean. The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them back, they’ll die.”
“Son,” the man said, “don’t you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? You can’t make a difference!”
After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish, and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said…”I made a difference for that one.” I am very gracious tonight for all that I have learned and felt.A special prayer goes to the ones who are still searching.You are loved and in my heart.

My daughter's visit with our adoptos

My girl just spent a week with our new "family".She loved it and they took such good care of her.It made her feel more at ease to know what her little girl's life will be like.It was good to see that our adoptodad can sympathize with my girls growing belly.(that name kinda makes him sound like a superhero..lol)I gotta say....I have to respect someone who can make a smiley face pancake(and actually takes the time to do it..lol)

I hope my little grand baby will have these once in a while. But the highlight for me was when I was able to see the present that that gave to me...a beautiful pink flamingo...just so everyone has this straight...adoptomom bought a pink piece of plastic that went along with a running joke between us.She had my daughter stuff in her luggage and smuggle it on the airplane.(could you imagine what security thought when it was x-rayed).she had my girl sneak behind my back and plant it in our front yard.Is it wrong that this makes me love them so much more??Would anyone else take this as them showing us that they love us??It just goes to show that in a situation like this having the perfect match is soooo important.I love that we are able to mesh so well.We are so fortunate to have these people in our lives.I do have to say though..this lifetime is gonna be very interesting...and between them and us..this little girl is never gonna be bored.And now...we cherish this silly little piece of pink plastic so much we had to bring it in so it would blow away or get lost.Yes adopto parents..thank you so much for all you do ;)!!!

A special Easter gift for our "Adoptos"

Won't be long before this Easter egg wil be hatchin'!!!We love you guys!!!

Now the hard part starts...

Decisions!!!Ugh...why are there so many in life???Ok ...so my girl is gonna have a baby.Took a while to get over that...but there is it..you have a small amount of time..and some of the BIGGEST choices EVER.You are literally hold the life of someone who cannot even speak for themselves yet,in the palms of your hands.I pictured us walking on a very narrow path...the slightest move in the wrong direction and we fall...and have to live with that forever.I used to work for one of the companies that took the pictures for the newborns in the hospital.I had to see up front what goes on in that hospital room when an adoption takes place.(note that these were closed adoptions).I always told my self there is no way that I could EVER do that.I have worked in daycare for many many years..so I always feel like I want to help take care of other peoples kids....and besides..when I am done with my schooling..I want to make taking care of babies(in a hospital setting)for a living.I cherish all of my kids,and eventhough there are 5(including my own new baby) it just comes easy for me.So why would I want my girl to do such a thing???AH!Notice that all those reasons had an "I" in front of it???I have been divorced(happily remarried though)..I have been a single mom.I know that the kids involved all have thier demons and some still not healed because of this.I have had the pleasure of "sharing" the most precious part of my life with someone who I cannot even live with..and all that being "checked up on" to make sure the kids are taken care of..what an aweful feeling!!!Of course I am taking care of them!!!The thought of my girl having to start going through that at 16 was almost too much to bear!!Confusing!!!So...I shared with my daughter all my thoughts and feelings on each side...and I told her I would support what she wanted, and was there for her to help.There are alot of spiritual moments in there as well.We would flip flop alot...one day we would be CERTAIN without a doubt what to do..but then the next...completely confused.But..like I said...this was soooooo important to get this right....so...it is understandable.After months and months..she has made that decision.She made it all on her own...and I am very proud of her.Like our adoption agency says..IT'S ABOUT LOVE...not it is about what I want...or what someone else wants.And also importantly..we are at peace with it.No more flip flopping.My little grand daughter can come in this world and it can be a celebration...the way it should be...not into a bunch of contention and doubt.We are not losing a baby..we are gaining a whole other family!!!!A crazy...nutty...amazing family.I can be happy now..I can be excited!!!!Isn't that how it is supposed to be???