Now the hard part starts...

Decisions!!!Ugh...why are there so many in life???Ok ...so my girl is gonna have a baby.Took a while to get over that...but there is it..you have a small amount of time..and some of the BIGGEST choices EVER.You are literally hold the life of someone who cannot even speak for themselves yet,in the palms of your hands.I pictured us walking on a very narrow path...the slightest move in the wrong direction and we fall...and have to live with that forever.I used to work for one of the companies that took the pictures for the newborns in the hospital.I had to see up front what goes on in that hospital room when an adoption takes place.(note that these were closed adoptions).I always told my self there is no way that I could EVER do that.I have worked in daycare for many many years..so I always feel like I want to help take care of other peoples kids....and besides..when I am done with my schooling..I want to make taking care of babies(in a hospital setting)for a living.I cherish all of my kids,and eventhough there are 5(including my own new baby) it just comes easy for me.So why would I want my girl to do such a thing???AH!Notice that all those reasons had an "I" in front of it???I have been divorced(happily remarried though)..I have been a single mom.I know that the kids involved all have thier demons and some still not healed because of this.I have had the pleasure of "sharing" the most precious part of my life with someone who I cannot even live with..and all that being "checked up on" to make sure the kids are taken care of..what an aweful feeling!!!Of course I am taking care of them!!!The thought of my girl having to start going through that at 16 was almost too much to bear!!Confusing!!!So...I shared with my daughter all my thoughts and feelings on each side...and I told her I would support what she wanted, and was there for her to help.There are alot of spiritual moments in there as well.We would flip flop alot...one day we would be CERTAIN without a doubt what to do..but then the next...completely confused.But..like I said...this was soooooo important to get this right....so...it is understandable.After months and months..she has made that decision.She made it all on her own...and I am very proud of her.Like our adoption agency says..IT'S ABOUT LOVE...not it is about what I want...or what someone else wants.And also importantly..we are at peace with it.No more flip flopping.My little grand daughter can come in this world and it can be a celebration...the way it should be...not into a bunch of contention and doubt.We are not losing a baby..we are gaining a whole other family!!!!A crazy...nutty...amazing family.I can be happy now..I can be excited!!!!Isn't that how it is supposed to be???